you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
