I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I can't put those talents on a resume
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
