Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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