After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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