She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
