the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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