i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
