So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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