i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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