Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
