My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
