Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
