She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
