I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
