Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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