...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
