I think I died a long time ago.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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