I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
