Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
