Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
