You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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