I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When did we convert life to cartoon?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
