My liver just broke up with me...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
