so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
