As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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