if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
