You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
