Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
