new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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