im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I supernannyed him into submission
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize