seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Two words: nipple clamps
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