it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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