I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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