I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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