So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
