so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
