i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
