I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
