I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
