I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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