why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize