I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
