I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
