why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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