You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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