im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
