To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
