So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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