just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
