Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
