Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
