I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
