Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
