Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
