i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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