Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
