we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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