There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
