Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize