gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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