Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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