i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
