The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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