you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
