I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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