tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
